A Travellerspoint blog

Tour realities

excitement gives may to despondence as a systematically break down expectations!

People often book a coach tour of Europe seemingly oblivious of the fact that there are many kilometers separating these cities we go to and are slightly perturbed when I announce that today's drive from London to Paris will take around 8 hours including a ferry crossing, I would take this opportunity to tell guests that as a result of these driving distances, we will be leaving for each new destination at very early o clock, meaning very standard breakfast will almost always be around 7am.

I tell my passengers that the toilet on the coach is very much, just for emergencies and in no way able to accept jobbies, nevertheless, on several occasions I have been in the process of helping the driver clean the coach or drop the toilet, when an unbridled scream is thundered by the driver who steadily follows it up with rigorous profanity at the discovery of a massive turd in the carsi ,just as bad is counting everyone up to confirm we can leave a rest stop, only to be met down the isle with someone popping out of the bus loo having failed to use the entire rest stop for it's designed purpose.

In Europe, there aren't really that many public toilets that can accommodate 50 people at once, such places do exist and remain mythological among tour-guides forever encumbered with pee needing pax. I tell pax that all of them would need to master the art of ordering coffee or a beverage to go, asking to use the wc in the local language, using the cafe WC and returning and paying at the same moment drink is ready - paying to pee is common practice in most cities in Europe, fees paid go a long way to keep people in this unpleasant job happy to keep the droplets at bay.

By now I'm on a role, so I move on to the next tour reality, Thieves Gypsies and Con bastards.

Posted by Eurotourguide 06:03

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